: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
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GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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