I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
