his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The dick lei will go down in squad history
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
