i will never coherently bang her
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
