You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
