You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
