Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
sex in a hospital.. check
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
