I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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