He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
