Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
