Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
