I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Randomize
