Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
