I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
