My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
