ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
