my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
