is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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