as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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