Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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