guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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