Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
