Life is so much better after having sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
