Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
