there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
