Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
