So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
