ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize