and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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