dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
