it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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