FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize