ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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