Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize