I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
