woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
