I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
