i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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