Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
