I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You had me at "let me see your balls"
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
