I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize