I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
