I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
