Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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