I'm drive I can fine osifer
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
