I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
