Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
