i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
