I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
