so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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