My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
