Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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