sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You're a waste of cheezeits
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
