I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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