So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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