Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
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