So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
