I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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