You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I cockslap morals
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
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