He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
