Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
