and i looked up. we had an audience...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
