yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
