I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
