I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You need Xanax blowdarts
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
