Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
